Returning

I'm packing my bags and getting ready to board a plane out west later today.  Greg and I are going to tackle the Grand Canyon in part to celebrate my birthday, and in part to help me put a bit more closure on the last 10 years. 

I can remember so clearly how difficult it was for me to make my back up and out of the canyon the last time I was there.  How frustrated I was with how difficult it was for me.  How insurmountable the goal of reaching the top seemed at moments of that day.

I had no idea that three days later I would find that second swollen lymph node, or how completely my life was about to change.

I am both excited and nervous to go back to that place.  To one of the very few places where I have a distinct and clear memory of life before cancer.  I know it will be emotional.  I know it will be hard.  I know in some ways I will probably find myself grieving the life that was left behind when that trip in 2002 came to an end.

But I also know that I will celebrate where my life has gone.  The last 10 years have been crazy.  They have been heart-wrenching at some times, and soul-filling at others, and always, always full.  There will be so much to reflect on and rejoice in when I return to that place.

Nothing about my life today looks as it did back then.  But the way it looks today is pretty darn sweet.