Remembering

With opening of the expo looming, Tyler is stuck in Chicago, and I'm left with one less distraction from the emotional aspect of the days ahead.  Sometimes its a good thing that the events surrounding the 10k are so crazy because, like with the Masquerade for Massey, the 10k can bring with it lots of mixed emotions if I start to think about it for too long.

While today I am ecstatic to have raised nearly $19,000 toward my goal, and excited to close out a months-long celebration of 10 years in remission with some amazing people by my side, I also find myself thinking about those who we've lost.  One lady in particular.

Yesterday was my oldest friend's birthday.  Cara was born almost 6 months to the day after me, and we have literally been friends ever since.  Even though we haven't lived in the same place since high school, and although we've definitely had our friendship ups and downs (I mean - we've been friends for almost 34 years - so how couldnt we?), Cara knows me better than nearly anyone in the world.  She knows when something is wrong without even speaking to me.  She understands parts of my childhood no one else really can.  She is one of a handful of people who I know - regardless of when I saw her last - I could call and she would do anything for me.

Cara and I met because our dads worked together, and our moms quickly became best friends:

Thats my mom and Carla working the concession stand at one of Tyler's little league games.

Cara was basically the fourth kid in our family, since we spent nearly every.single.day together.  I am seriously hard pressed to think of a summer vacation day that Carla and Cara werent with us.

We spent a lot of those days with our moms visiting my Nana in Rhode Island

 Cara and me - Probably at my first communion 

Carla was one of those people you couldn't not have a good time with.  If she had her way, she would have rescued every dog on the planet.  She and my mom started a water fight in our kitchen once.  She would drive just about anywhere on 5 minutes notice - just to see what you'd find wherever you were going.

I think what I remember most about growing up with my mom and Carla was all the laughing.  Whenever Carla was around, the room was full of love and happiness.  Im not just saying that.  Its true.     

Cara with Carla and Bill

 

So its no surprise that when my mom was diagnosed with cancer, Carla stepped right up to help out.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that 99% of why I remember so few details of my mom being "sick" is because Carla helped to make sure my brother, sister, and I were impacted as little as possible.  Carla always took care of us - she was our second mom.

What was a surprise was Carla's own cancer diagnosis just few years later.  And the fact that her battle was so different from my moms.  Where looking at my mom's treatment and recovery, I would have thought science had cancer licked, watching the slow and terrible way that the disease ravaged Carla told another story.  And when she passed away from the disease, it made all to real to me the fact that cancer steals away from us those we need and love far too soon.

Every year during the 10k, I think about Carla.  I hold her in my heart as I run and her memory feeds my anger at cancer.  Because those aren't the only times I think of Carla.  There are so many questions that I have and that I know only she would have the answers to.  There are reality checks I know she would have given me that I had to figure out on my own - and in a much slower way - without her around.  Whenever I get to spend time with her grandsons, I think of how unfair it is that she isnt here to be with them - because that lady loved kids like no other.

I often wonder what her story would be if it were told today.  Would our new treatments and detection methods have allowed her to still be with us? 

Im grateful for Saturday's run not only for the chance to celebrate all the advances being made, or the folks who have survived, but also for the chance to celebrate the lives of those who went before us. 

I love and miss you, Carla.  I know you'll be with Ty and I on Saturday.