Milestones and Mean Guys

I have to kick today off with two words:

THANK YOU!

In just slightly (as in 4 little days) more than three months time, together we have raised over $10,000 to support the life-saving research happening at VCU Massey Cancer Center.

This is absolutely amazing.  And its thanks to so many of you who have not only donated  your money, but who have purchased t-shirts, attended the Masquerade for Massey, and forwarded my emails and status updates to your friends and family.  This journey to $25,151 - and to a cure - is a group effort and I thank each and every one of you for your help, love, and support.

But dont think you're off the hook yet!  We have another $15,142 to raise in the next 2 months and 8 days!

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Now on to more serious things.

It's easy write about all of the high points of the work I do with Massey. There are so many. But every once and awhile, something happens that can rock me to the core and remind me that there are some really difficult people to reach out there. No matter how often it happens - admittedly not a lot - it shocks me. Because who hasn't been touched by cancer? Who doesn't want us to find a cure?

I love each and every person and group I have the privilege of sharing my story with and of bringing the Massey mission to. And there are those who are extra close to me.

The students at VCU Medical School are very special to me and my life. I share my story with them in some of their lectures not only in hopes of helping them understand the needs of their future patients, but also in hopes that I can help them understand that they aren't too young to start thinking about their own health. After all - I was their age when I was diagnosed.  I also bring the Challenge to them to encourage them to forward the research that will play a role in their careers and offer treatments to their patients in the years to come.

Last Friday, I had the chance to help recruit members to the VCU Medical School Massey Challenge team. As usual it was 99% uplifting and heartwarming. Sharing my story in this safe environment, with all my vulnerabilities, is very rewarding.

Until...

"I don't have to deal with this f$(*!#g fundraising bulls#!t. I'm going to be an oncologist."

That came out of a medical student's mouth. Directed at me. And it has stuck with me, rather than the dozens of interested and sweet students or the kindest comments. No. It was this guy - this pretentious, selfish one - that I found myself ruminating on as I ran, baked, and tried not to get bored during the great Superbowl Power Outage Of 2013.

Why? After mulling it over, I think there are two big reasons.

First, there will be people - scared, struggling people - who will be this guy's patients. And unlike me, who had such incredible support from Dr. Ginder, these patients will have to deal with this attitude. This attitude coming from a doctor who doesn't care whether or not he can deliver to them the best possible treatments - or a cure - for the disease interrupting their lives; who disconnects himself from the research, treatment, and humanity so intimately integrated with cancer prevention. This part of me feels absolutely sick that he is studying in this school, only to have this attitude toward the people he will directly affect.

Second, I feel terribly for those incredibly trained and sensitive doctors who will be sharing a profession with this guy.  I never liked doctors until I met my father-in-law*.  To me, he will always be the epitome of what a professional should be. His manner is universal, and what I model when I conduct myself in my legal practice.  He is the definition of hard work and passion and discipline and love for a subject.  And of treating every person in his presence - whether a colleague or patient or volunteer - with the same level of respect and compassion.  The fact that he is perhaps one of the most highly regarded doctors in the world has never changed this in him - and you'd never guess he is so highly regarded amongst those in his profession to meet him on the street.  He is simply a kind and professional man.  Every other physician in the world should be proud to share a profession with him. Now, this pool of exceptional doctors will be tainted by the brash, inconsiderate, and unsympathetic attitude I encountered on Friday.

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Yesterday I had the privilege of attending Massey's Women & Wellness Forum Series, where I heard Lee Woodruff speak about her experience as caregiver to her husband, Bob Woodruff, following his traumatic brain injury. I'll have to paraphrase what she said, but it was along the lines of the following: that after just a day with Dr. Ginder, she knows that if she had to receive a cancer diagnosis, or bad news related to a loved one's diagnosis, he is the kind of doctor she would want to receive it from. Everyday I thank God for sending me Dr. Ginder - for sending him to so many of us.

This medical student's patients? They wont ever experience what I have experienced in being Dr. Ginder's patient. And that makes me sad.

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Now please, don't get me wrong. I don't expect every person out there to think funding cancer research should be our top priority. We all have causes close to our hearts. This one is mine.

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To this guy directly (who I doubt would ever take the time to read a survivor's blog): To shit on my vulnerabilities, my history, and my hard work is equivalent of shitting on your patients directly. Without these funds, your patients are less cared for - and that should be your top priority as a doctor.   Either consider an adjustment to your disposition or an adjustment to your profession.

And yes, in electing to be an oncologist - or any other physician - you are certainly providing a service. But simply taking on the title of "oncologist" isn't enough.  You are placing yourself in the position of supporting, lifting up, and renewing the spirits of your patients. Of encouraging others to go out into the world and find better treatments and cures for the diseases of our world. There is responsibility far beyond running through a list of patients waiting in a clinic that comes with that title.

I sure hope you learn that before its too late.
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*For those of you who don't know me other than through this blog - yes, I am divorced. Its something I choose not to blog about out of respect for my ex-husband's family, who I love dearly. If you have questions or need support going through a divorce, feel free to email me and I'd be happy to chat with you about it privately.