Random Musings

Well, folks, I had a plan to give you all a round-up of the RVA businesses who have jumped on board the Massey Challenge train this year, but my laptop charger decided to die tonight, so I'm making my first ever post via iPad.

And I am apparently not very good at that.  And cant figure out how to make links and logos work right.  So you'll have to wait just a touch longer.

Aside from messing with my blog schedule, the conked out charger also provided me with some unexpected TV time tonight.  So I've settled in to catch up with one of my favorites - Parenthood.

For those that dont know, Parenthood is a drama about a family that includes four adult siblings and follows their lives now that they have families of their own.  I've always been pretty impressed with how it handles the issues it raises - in particular its story line about a child with Aspergers.  With both a nephew and a cousin on the Autism spectrum, its always been interesting to me to watch and think about my family members raising those little boys.

Well, to say I was unprepared for one of this season's story lines would be an understatement.  Kristina - a young wife and mother of three - learns that she has breast cancer.

It definitely scares me.  I should really probably stop watching.  But I can't.  Because I know it makes me think about things that I have to think about sometime.  So why not do it on a Thursday night with a grilled cheese sandwich and a cup of tea?  Here is a stream of consciousness summary of my thoughts during two episodes:

• Yeah - I remember that look when I told people I had cancer.
• Oncologists are simply not that mean.
• They also arent that loopy.
• [[cry]]
• How would I ever tell a daughter of mine I had cancer?
• Who on earth just lets surgery wait until whenever?
• [[cry]]
• No one looks that good after surgery.
• Since when do doctors let you get dressed for getting bad news?
• [[cry]]  

You get the gist.

I think these days, all of us have some kind of emotional reaction of a cancer-based storyline.  We all have a connection.  For me, I think the further I get from my BRCA1 diagnosis the stronger that reaction becomes - its as if with the amount of time I but between myself and the diagnosis, I know I am getting closer to another diagnosis - of another cancer.

More and more I notice the way cancer is portrayed in the media and how public figures respond to it. And i know the vast majority of it is well-intentioned.  But sometimes I wonder if they realize how it appears to those who have been there.  Like the cheerleaders who recently shaved their heads in solidarity with a woman who was diagnosed with cancer.  Was it a nice gesture?  Yes.  Did the woman feel supported?  Probably.  But as someone who had to endure months of watching her hair fall slowly out, attempting desperately to hang on to it, who didn't have a choice to lose it, well, in a way those gestures feel a little insulting.

Because by opting in, you're opting in.  Cancer patients don't opt in.  The choice gets ripped from them.

I'm sure I just went ahead and pissed a lot of you off.  And I suppose thats okay.  Because, as I've said before, part of what this blog is about is giving you a look inside the mind of a survivor.  And thats how I feel about that.

And for those of you who mock me because I dont have cable - now you know why.  Television makes me think way too much!